Grow into it.

Grow into it.

These words have echoed in my head for a month now. Sometimes I hold them closely to my heart. Sometimes I whisper them out loud. Sometimes they are the roots that keep me from crumbling. Other times they are the stars that keep me dreaming. These words have become my mantra.

Grow into it.

On my first day at Operation Smile I was greeted with the warmest welcome. As I introduced myself to people and told them the role I was taking on in the organization, I started to hear a trend in people’s responses. My job is a big piece of the puzzle. In that same week I stared at a spreadsheet with 840 line items. It is the template that serves as a packing list for every mission. Every single item that is needed to create an operating room in remote parts of the world is on that template. I need to know it all. As I read and organized and compared the template to catalogues from medical suppliers, my head spun. I was using parts of my brain that had collected dust for years. I dreamt about sutures and anesthesia medication. It all become a puddle of muddy knowledge.

Grow into it.

Summer is here in Virginia. When I set out for a six mile progression run in the middle of the afternoon on Saturday, I knew the heat and the paces would challenge me. I knew it would be a hard run. 9:00, 8:40, 8:30. These were my goal paces. At the turn around point, I wanted to give in. It was too hot. My body hates summer running. My legs wanted to run, but my head was spinning. On the route back to my car, I turned my run into a game. I used land markers to tackle sections of the run. I focused on keeping my hips under me (instead of in front of me where they naturally like to land). I focused on my foot placement and my stride. The first five miles were challenging, but being able to run a 7:58 minute mile for my last mile gives me hope.

Grow into it.

Chet has started school two days a week. Today is his third day. I’ve worried it would be too much. I’ve wondered if the day would be too long. Was he happy? Was he missing me? I’ve cried at every drop off. I count down the minutes until the end of the day, and I squeeze him way too tight when I see him. He adjusted well, but he is still adjusting. His sleep patterns are a mess. His nose won’t stop running (hello daycare germs). For all the sniffles he’s brought home, he’s brought home ten times the happy stories. He talks about his teacher, his blocks, playing outside, taking a nap. He’s happy.

Grow into it.

On Sunday our family started a new adventure. Instead of talking about it, we decided to do it. We planted a backyard garden. We’ve started small to test out the sunlight and the containers. We’ve planted herbs, tomatoes, and bell peppers. Once we find the right combination for our yard, we will add squash and zucchini. We will plant carrots and cucumbers. Beans are a must for the fall. The boys need sunflowers to run around. We don’t know what we are doing in our garden. We’ve planted the vegetables. We hope they will grow, but they will never grow, we will never eat out of our own backyard, if we don’t plant something.

Grow into it.

garden

Chet fell asleep early Sunday night. Cole was content playing. I sat on the couch enjoying the quiet. It’s been a month since I turned our world upside down by chasing my dream job. For every new change, new layer, new obstacle we’ve encountered, I knew there was only way to approach the situation. I can’t panic and resist the change. I have to grow into it. The really good stuff in life shouldn’t feel comfortable from the beginning. The really amazing stuff exists in the spaces when we challenge ourselves and when we stir up our normal. The things that are worth it require growth.

I don’t know everything about my job. I will learn it. I am not running my goal pace. I will get there. Chet isn’t used to going to school twice a week. It will become his normal. We are all like the garden we planted this weekend. Inside each one of us is a seed that is willing to grow. When nourished, when rooted in love, amazing things can blossom.

“When tended the right way, beauty multiplies.” ~Shannon Weirsbitzky

Grow into it!

garden1

 

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5 thoughts on “Grow into it.

  1. I haven’t been able to comment lately (my feedly was going nuts) but I seriously feel like reading your writing is therapy. I have gone through so much growth and so many changes since moving out here, and not always in a good way, but reading this is a reminder that chasing my dreams is supposed to be hard and it’s supposed to come with challenges. And in the end, it’ll be worth it. Thank you!

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