For most of my life I’ve walked around wearing armor. I was never short of a smile or a friendly hello, but I protected myself. There were very few people I developed close friendships with. I had myself convinced that I was meant to follow the clear path in front of me. I lacked the courage and the confidence to open myself up to the world. I was always afraid that if I wanted something, if people got too close, I’d end up disappointed.
That clear path didn’t work for me. It never has. Avoiding connections with others left me feeling alone. I was meant to make my own path.
I got divorced. I created a new path. I moved back home. I feel in love when it didn’t make sense. Then I rediscovered my love of running. The armor has slowly disappeared. Loving Christian has always felt safe. The more I run, the more I make my own path, the less I protect myself, the more my heart is opening up. I’m less guarded. I’m learning that if I stand tall, if I let my true heart be seen, it’s okay if the world doesn’t embrace it. It’s me and those who see me and love me are the ones who deserve my love in return. Some friendships don’t work out. That’s okay. Some people just don’t like me. That’s okay. I’m learning that the truer I am to myself, the truer the relationships I will have with people who embrace me.
My heart is changing. It’s opening. It’s less protected. It’s starting to shine. This is changing everything.
I’m running with a (light) heart. This has made ever run satisfying. Whether the run ends up be a great run or just another run, I walk away knowing its part of the puzzle.
I’m welcoming friendship with an (open) heart. In the past, I would have shied away from lunch dates or run dates with new friends. Not anymore. This has brought wonderful new genuine people into my life. I had brunch won’t Hollie from fueledbylolz and walked away knowing I have a new friend. I shared 10 miles with Lesleyanne from Beachyrunner Saturday morning. Even though we are friends we’ve never run together (she is speedy). I would have normally shied away from this, but not today. It was the perfect run before my marathon. So many of the great friends in my life in recent years have appeared when I said yes to an invite that intimidated me. Over the past year, some really wonderful people have entered my life.
I am making a conscience effort to live life with a (whole) heart.
When I embrace each day from this place of self acceptance, there isn’t a need to guard my heart. I don’t need the armor anymore.
There are 5 days between me and my second marathon. I’m showing up to the start line with my heart exposed, and I plan on running every single one of those miles with my whole heart.
I’m amazed by how much strength comes from living a life from my heart.
Gorgeous view from my run on Saturday!