Shifting

Life has stages, live in harmony with them. ~ Eoin Finn

I’ve been waiting for the next stage of life to begin. I’ve been sitting on the verge of  what is about to happen. I’ve been quietly waiting for the next chapter.

So many chapters of my life have come to a close lately. Chet has reached a new level of independence. We’ve said goodbye to almost all things baby. Cole has blossomed this year. He has shed so many layers of insecurity and has needed less protecting. Christian and I have settled into a wonderfully comfortable groove of give and take. I feel like his wife again. I know something is waiting for me in this comfort zone.

I’m back in the yoga studio once a week. My running is just waiting to take off as soon as my hip heals. I am waiting and waiting for the next chapter to show up.

Life is a train of moods like a string of beads; and as we pass through them they prove to be many colored lenses, which paint the world their own hue, and each shows us only what lies in its own focus. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Two years ago, I bought my first set of mala beads. I loved these beads.  They broke shortly before I gave birth to Chet. While I was so sad to let them go, the timing of the broken strand of beads was perfect. I had let go of my need to control the scenarios in my life.

Days before Chet was born, I had a deep need for another set of beads. I walked into a local yoga store, placed the turquoise mala around my neck, and knew I’d be taking them home with me. The coolness of the stone was an amazing contrast to heat of my skin.

For a year and a half, I’ve been wearing these beads. I’ve also been secretly waiting for them to break. Their purpose always felt related to transitioning from mom of 1 to mom of 2. Their purpose was about welcoming Chet into this world. Hadn’t I moved on to the next chapter? Hadn’t I learned the lessons I need to learn from the intention attached to the mala?

I’m still waiting for them to break. I’m still hanging on to this set of mala beads not trusting that I’ve learned all that intention had to offer, not trusting my path.

We have to find our own path and not just follow someone else’s. What makes something yoga is when it has a spiritual intention behind it. ~Eoin Finn

One of the reasons I love running is because it puts my yoga practice in motion. It is the place and the space where I always find my spiritual consciousness. Finding my edge and learning to run through those barriers is what guides me in so many of my life choices.

For the past two months, I’ve been running on a sore, perhaps injured, hip. Running with a constant awareness of every ache and pain in my hip has been far from spiritual. Saturday I ran seven miles, my longest run since these problems surfaced, and I couldn’t find the mentality clarity I needed. My garmin showed times that were faster than I’ve run in a long time, yet I was irritated. Running is now a constant reminder of my irritated and irritating hip.While waiting for my hip to heal, I’ve been missing the joy of running.

The real gift [of yoga] to me is that it puts me in a state of mind where I want to stop and look up at the beauty of the clouds or the light of the stars. When we do this, we are open to awe and wonder. We feel intimately that we are a part of something inconceivably huge and not apart from it. ~Eoin Finn

I’m stuck in this game of waiting. I’m waiting for my next chapter to reveal itself. I’m waiting for my mala beads to break. I’m waiting for my hip to heal. Why am I waiting? I don’t need a big life moment to indicate forward progression on my life path. I don’t need to check something off my bucket list or break my mala or have perfect health. It doesn’t have to be dramatic. I don’t need a new chapter. I just need to shift my focus.

My life at home is in a really comfortable, happy season. I need to breathe it all in. The intentions I have for how I live my life have expanded and become more polished since our family expanded. Holding on to old intentions will not allow me embrace the ones that are applicable to today. My hip is sore. I need to listen to it and be smart. It won’t be like this forever.

Waiting for the next chapter has me stuck in the in between. Instead of enjoying the awe and wonder of every day life, I’m waiting for something that may never happen. A slight shift of perspective is all I really need right now.

I’m not waiting. I’m living. I’m honoring the love I’ve created in my world every single day. I’m honoring these moments of in between by embracing the calm at home, inhaling and exhaling my intentions, and being patient with my body. Life isn’t about waiting. It’s about living every moment.

Sunrise run along the ocean
Sunrise run along the ocean

Quotes from Eoin Finn’s Happiness Map, Blissology Blog, and Elephant Journal.

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