Thursday afternoon the emotions I’ve been holding on to so tightly the past few months started to unravel. I found myself in a parking lot on the side of the road with tears pouring down my face. I called my husband, but I couldn’t talk. Already in my running clothes, I decided to run. My favorite motto: Run until you feel better. As I went to get out of the car, another text message lit up my phone. More unraveling and more tears instantly found me. I reminded myself to breathe, I got out of the car, and I set out to run. I made it a block before my husband called again. We shared a few more tears, and I kept going.
A little over four miles into my run, I reached the end of the boardwalk. I wanted to keep running north. Turning around seemed like the hard choice. Returning back to my car to face the news that waited for me seemed impossible. I paused. I sat in the sand. I reminded myself to breathe again. Inhale. Exhale. Then I did something I haven’t done in years. I ran in the sand back towards my car. I ran right along the shore line. Why don’t I do this all the time? The ocean was a magnet. I wanted to crawl inside the waves for comfort. Had it been summer, I think I would have dove in. The rhythm of the waves washed away my sadness. The ocean wrapped its arms around me. It gave me the push I needed to go home. It guided me back to where I belong. It stopped me from running away.
The run didn’t cure my sadness. It certainly didn’t dry up my tears, but it allowed me refocus my energy. As I ran beside the ocean, I kept thinking to myself This is why…
This is why life is important. This is why it matters that we all share the light inside of us. This is why it matters that we do everything possible to make sure our light shines. This is why it’s important to choose happiness, to choose love, and to give love. Always. We don’t know when it will all end. As cliché as it may sound, we have to embrace each day. This is why it matters. This is why I run. This is why I’m choosing to ignore negativity, to quit being afraid of truly blossoming into myself, and to glow. This is why I’m making sure I choose love over silly arguments with my husband. This is why I am choosing laughter over nagging with my children. This is why I will always carve out time in the day for myself. It give me time to fill myself up, so I can give love every day.
I’ve decided that 2013 is my year to shine. When you set intentions for your life, they find you. Opportunities to put your intentions into practice will show up on your door step. Every choice I am making this year will be about shining. They will be about sharing love. They will be about embracing life. They will be about sharing the good in me with the world.
I can’t cure cancer. I can’t give my aunt more time with her boys. I can’t help my father-in-law fight the cancer that continues to spread through his body. But every morning I can wake up. I can choose to honor myself. I can choose to share love. I can do my best to be something positive for my family.
This is why it is important to let our light shine.