After nearly four weeks with his dad, Cole is home.
As soon as I wrapped my arms around him in the airport terminal, I was able to finally acknowledge the sadness I have been carrying around with me for the past four weeks. I missed my (first) baby boy. Although the sadness was subtle, it never went away. I just love being surround by all of my boys. Cole and I walked through security together, but he took off in a run as soon as he spotted Christian and Chet. I hope I never forget the look on Chet’s face when he saw his brother. He didn’t get overly excited like I had expected. He didn’t shriek and kicked his legs in excitement. He just stared. He took in his brother’s face for minutes. He reached out his hands to feel his cheeks, chin, lips, and eyes. He gave a tug on his hair to make sure he was real. After staring and scrutinizing every inch of his face, Chet smiled. There you are Brother. I knew I was missing someone.
On our way to baggage claim. Chet just stared. He would not take his eyes of his brother. Maybe he was afraid Cole would disappear for another four weeks. Maybe he was trying to make up for lost time. He stared, and his eyes said I love you.
As soon as we walked through our front doors, the house exhaled. Everyone that is loved and loves our family was finally under one roof. Having Cole back under our roof makes the house feel alive. So much changes in four weeks. The house is different when Cole isn’t at home. I miss his noises. I miss his clutter. I miss his dirty socks (that I was still finding in corners the morning he came home). Cole announced that he missed the smell of our house. I haven’t smelt our house in a month. Our house, it smells like nature.
I missed Cole’s energy, his sense of humor, and his non stop chatter. After we tucked Chet into bed, the three of us sat on the living room floor and played War. We turned on Pandora radio. Owl City, one of Cole’s favorites, came on. Cole and Christian sang along like they always do. I listened (I was not blessed with any musical talent except for appreciation). Although not related by blood, Cole has inherited Christian’s musical abilities.
Tie my handle bars to the stars so I stay on track. ~Owl City
Whenever we get around to tackling our bathroom remodel project, this quote is going up on the wall. As I watched Cole play airdrums, and listened to Christian sing along, I mentioned that I couldn’t wait to have the quote hanging in our house. After the song finished, I asked Cole if he knew what it meant? I explained to him the meaning, and he looked at me. His face was very serious – I never know what is going to spill out of his eight year old brain – and Iwaited for his response. Ummm. Mom. That’s a little too nature-y.
While we were busy living our life (minus Cole) for four weeks, Cole was busy living his life with his dad, stepmom, sister, and brand new baby brother. Their home in Tennessee is very different from our home, not better, not worse, just different. I love that he associates our home with nature – the smell to my over thinking, over talking, over explaining ways. Our home and nature resonates with him. Even if he thinks I’m a little too nature-y, I know that the thread of nature in our lives feels like home to him.
I hope that he will always feel at home when he is the great outdoors. I hope home will always feel as wonderful as the night sky. I hope he will tie his handle bars to the stars – I want him to dream big and find his life somewhere amongst the stars. And when all of his dreams do come true (or don’t), I hope he will take the time stop and stare at life (and observe and feel the features of the face that is staring back at him) so he can recognize just how much he loves it.
In teaching him these life lessons, I hope I learn them too.