One year ago today, shortly after I tucked Cole in bed, I went to the bathroom with a pregnancy test knowing it would be negative. The negative pregnancy test would result in getting my period that night. I could then start tracking my period so Christian and I could get to work on having a baby.
When I went to the bathroom that night, I thought I’d see a negative sign. I thought wrong.
A positive sign showed up before I could even wipe. Christian and I were having a baby. We were so incredibly lucky. I had just gone off the pill the month before. I should have known on that night that everything I thought would happen would turn out completely different.
I thought I wasn’t pregnant. I thought wrong.
I thought there was no way I would get pregnant the first month I went off the pill. I thought wrong.
I thought I would struggle physically and emotionally with pregnancy. I thought wrong.
I thought I was having a girl. I thought wrong.
I thought I would have my baby without any medical intervention. I thought wrong (dumb pitocin!).
I thought I’d have my baby when he was ready (before he due date like his brother). I thought wrong.
I never thought I would carry my baby for nearly 42 weeks and that he would be induced. I thought wrong.
I thought I’d have an easy-going, laid back newborn. I thought wrong.
I thought breast-feeding would be easy (because it was with Cole). I thought wrong.
I thought I’d have my baby on a routine that worked for me. I thought wrong.
I thought I’d bounce back quicker. I thought my pre-pregnancy clothes would fit when I went back to work. I thought I’d run faster and further. I thought wrong.
I thought I’d enjoy another year of not having a period because I’m breast-feeding. I thought wrong.
I thought it would be easier the second time around. I thought wrong.
I may have got a few (or maybe a lot) of the details wrong when I predicted how my pregnancy and my life with a newborn would play out. But for all the things I thought wrongly about, I was equally surprised by all the things I actually knew.
I knew when I smiled at my baby, my heart skipped a beat. While my heart isn’t actually skipping a beat, its synchronizing it’s beating with my babies heart beat. By simply smiling, our hearts become in tune. I knew the moment I held my baby in my arms, he was exactly where he belongs. I knew our family would feel complete and connected thanks to our new bundle of joy. I knew Cole would flourish and thrive as a big brother. I knew my husband would be an amazing father. I knew I would love being his mother.
I knew our life would be better, but I had no idea how head over heals in love with our little baby we would all fall. In one year, we have gone from a positive sign on a little stick to a happy smiling rolly polly of a baby. Life is good!