It’s been a rough weekend for me. Lack of sleep and over flowing emotions haven’t done me any favors. Chet has to be going through a growth spurt (please let it be a growth spurt and not a new pattern to his days). He’s eating almost every hour when he is awake. He has been getting one good 4 hour stretch of sleep at night followed by feedings every hour and a half. My milk supply is on overflow.
Take a tired mama and add in the a reality check that I have 2 weeks left of maternity leave and you have a recipe guaranteed to produce a lot of tears. I’m trying hard to not let my sadness about going back to work ruin our last two weeks together, but it caught up to me this morning. I couldn’t stop the tears. While Christian attempted (again and again) to get Chet to like a bottle, I couldn’t stop the tears. After nursing my baby, blowing my nose, and taking a few good inhales and exhales, Christian encouraged me to go running. I reluctantly put on my shoes and headed out in the rain.
Today’s running plan: run until my head and heart felt better
I ran my normal 2.5 mile loop. It was a disaster. I cried. A lot. I didn’t feel like running. I wanted to go home, sit on my couch, snuggle my baby, and cry. I ran some. I walked a little. After 2 miles, I decided to give up and head home.
When I walked in my front door, the dog was sitting next to his leash begging to go with me. Chet was sleeping with Christian. I still didn’t feel better, and I certainly wasn’t needed at home. I headed back out to run some more with the dog in tow.
I ran an additional 3 miles this time. The tears disappeared. I found a peaceful place in my run. Although my pace was nearly the same as the first run, the last 3 miles felt so much better. My mental strength started to return.
I don’t think I’ll ever get to a point where my heart doesn’t feel like its breaking as I get closer to returning to work, but I have to find peace with our reality. I have to work. I have to figure out how to be a working mom again and to survive the heartbreak. I need to keep going until my head and my heart start to feel better.
Going back to work will be, without a doubt, one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
Today’s Runs. I used both my Garmin and Endomondo. Pick which ever one you like best! I’m not sure which one is more accurate. (No running photos thanks to the down pour I ran in today.)
Mile 1: 12:21
Mile 2: 13:06
Mile 3: 13:12
Mile 4: 12:31
Mile 5: 12:51
Total: 5.4 miles @ a pace of 12:38 (note to self: turn off watch when you get home)
Run Take 1:
Mile 1: 11:39
Mile 2: 12:44
Total: 2.62 miles @ a pace of 12:32
Run Take 2:
Mile 1: 12:48
Mile 2: 12:24
Mile 3: 12:17
Total: 3.06 miles @ a pace of 12:28