In twelve hours, I will be at the hospital getting ready to start the process of welcoming my little man into the world. Although this is not how I expected to start our birthing process, I still believe in my birth plan (read it here).
The plan is this:
Show up at the hospital at 7am.
Get checked to determine my progression.
Based on my progression, I have a few options. My water could be broke if I’ve made good progression this week. I could also be hooked up to pitocin to give Chet the jump-start he needs to get moving.
I’m not going to lie. I’m nervous. I am not a fan of pitocin. I’m nervous to introduce something artificial into a natural process. I did get some reassurance from our practice yesterday and my sister-in-law (an OB/GYN in Northern Virginia). I may only need the pitocin to get to 5cm. From there, my body can take over naturally. I know I have an amazing doctor on call tomorrow.
The unknown scares me. I’m trying to find comfort in the unknown (something I’m not good at – another life lesson thanks to my little baby).
From the beginning, my goal has been and continues to be a peaceful welcome to the world for Chet. Drugs can stress out a baby. I want more than anything for my baby to feel free of stress, to be alert, and to be ready for the world when he is born. Every choice and decision we have made in our birth process has been to provide him with a peaceful birth.
When you’re pregnant, you have less control of your body. The more you can let go of any illusion of control, the better you’ll feel about yourself. – Thank you Morgan for the quote!
Christian and I have had many discussions about our choice to induce Chet tomorrow. It has not been an easy decision. I spent a good portion of this morning in tears. I’ve fought with insecurities: Did I do enough? Should I have tried ____? Is there something wrong with my baby to make him not want to join the world? Is there something wrong with my body to make it resistance labor? Am I rushing the process? After many many tears, I realized that this is not how I want my baby welcomed into the world. He feels every emotion I have. I know I needed the release of those tears so I can embrace the process tomorrow, but I don’t want to drive to the hospital dreading what is to come. Tomorrow is a day to celebrate the birth of our baby boy. Tomorrow night, Christian and I will be parents to another little boy.
I know I still have a few tears in me. I have a feeling I will until I get to the hospital and everything becomes a bit more real. It’s so hard to wrap my brain around the fact that I am actually having a baby tomorrow! With the exception of possibly introducing pitocin, I plan on following my birth plan as closely as possible. I know it may need to be modified, but I know I have it in place.
While I don’t know much about how tomorrow will actually play out, I do know the final outcome. I’m going to have my sweet baby boy in my arms. Christian is going to be a father. Cole is going to be a big brother. We get to see our parents fall in love with our baby. No matter what, it is going to be a beautiful day.
Stay tuned……Chet can’t wait to meet all of you! And I certainly can’t wait to show him off!