Expect the best, plan for the worst, and prepare to be surprised. – Denis Waitley
From the moment I found out I was pregnant with Cole (yes Cole! not Chet…I’m not already confusing their names!), I began a process of learning more about myself than I had in the 24 years prior to his conception. Being Cole’s mom has taught me my best life lessons. It has taught me who I am. It has taught me what I value. Loving Cole has been the best gift I’ve ever received. Cole’s existence in this world allowed me the opportunity to set a foundation for myself and the life that I want to live. Life changes when you have children. What’s important changes too. Cole anchored me to the world. I didn’t want to float anymore once I had him.
Chet isn’t even born yet and he is already following in Cole’s footsteps. He is already teaching me more than I thought possible. Patience. Planning. Letting Go. Loving. And the meaning of being Open.
When I took my pregnancy test back in April, I never thought I’d be pregnant in January. I expected to have a pregnancy I didn’t really enjoy because I felt like I was being held hostage my whole pregnancy with Cole. I expected Chet to come early because Cole was five days early. I expected labor to be quick and easy. Unlike my pregnancy with Cole, I’ve loved nearly every step of this pregnancy. Unlike Cole, this little guy is extra cozy in my womb at week 41. Labor is still to be determined.
Unlike my labor with Cole, I made a plan for this delivery. With Cole I went in open-minded. I wanted to feel my way through the pregnancy. I didn’t want any drugs, but I didn’t rule them out. If I wanted them, I’d ask. I didn’t put any value on educating myself about the birthing process. With Chet, I have a plan. I know I will follow it as best as I can in the moment.
Last week I was in tears thinking about induction. This week I’m okay. It’s not ideal, but I know I can make the best of it.
Life doesn’t always work out in the way we imagine would be ideal. We can either resist that, feeling crushed when we don’t get exactly what we wanted, or accept reality at every step of the way and adapt to make the best of what we get.
We’re often advised to visualize the future in specific detail so that we may create it; to see in our heads the environment, the people, and the situations we want to manifest. This can be a powerful exercise because it helps us get clear about what we really want.
It will be a far more effective practice, though, if we remember that what we really want isn’t the perfect moment—it’s happiness from moment to moment. That comes from choosing to embrace and work with what is, instead of bemoaning and fighting it.
If Thursday Morning arrives and I’m still pregnant, I won’t be following my ideal birth plan. It is far more important for me to have Cole present on the day his brother is born than it is to wait two more days to see if Chet decides on his own to join us in the world. We’ve chosen to have an induction. While it’s a hard choice for me, I accept it. I can change gears and find happiness in the moment even if pitocin has to be introduced in Chet’s birth story. (After a phone call to our NP, I also feel confident about how the pitocin can be administered per my request)
The past week has had highs and lows for me. I’ve had moments feeling 100% okay with this decision. I’ve had moments where I’ve shed a lot of tears. I’m choosing to embrace it and work with what is, instead of bemoaning and fighting it. I needed those tears. I needed those highs.
No matter what I will have a baby in my arms in possibly 48 hours (depending on labor). Christian is going to welcome his child into this world. Cole will gain a little brother. I will have another anchor in this world. I can’t wait to welcome my baby into a peaceful world.
If I’m still pregnant tomorrow, I’ll post on how my birth plan is adapting to our current life situation.