Redefining my Pregnancy Truth

One of my favorite pictures with Cole and me - Fall 2009

So many things in life don’t get talked about. We brush things under the rug. We turn our backs to ugly truths. We ignore what we don’t want to exist.  We avoid topics because we are embarrassed by our responses. When we ignore what is our truth at any given moment, we are denying ourselves the right to find happiness.  There is no “right” way to live life. There is no “right” way to have a happy relationship with your partner.  There is no “right” way to raise your children.  And there is no “right” way to be pregnant.

Bringing a child into the world has been the great moment of my life (right next to meeting and falling in love with my husband and running my first race – Yes! Running a race makes the top of the list! It was my moment in life when I realized I am good enough, capable, and strong!). I know my love for Maute Moo will be the same as my love for Cole, and I have a tiny suspicion that Maute Moo will make me love Cole even more.

While pregnancy is a moment in my life to fall head over heels in love with someone I’ve never seen or meet, it isn’t always a pretty road – not for me! It was just a week ago that I posted My Truth about Pregnancy.  (I honestly had to take a double-look at the date! Really? Just a week ago?). It’s amazing what a week can do – and possible the progression into my second trimester.

Since I wrote that post, I feel better. I feel physically better. I feel mentally better.  I feel emotionally better.  In the moment when I wrote that post, I wanted to sit in my room and cry.  It was an ugly moment for me. Even reading it now, I find myself getting teary.  Hormones and emotions in life are hard. They are complicated. They aren’t logical.  They aren’t considerate of your time. They show up whenever they want. Hormones and emotions in pregnancy are even worse. Writing that post was my way of facing these emotions.  I don’t want to hide from them. I don’t want to sweep them under the rug.  Like all other things in life that are hormone and emotionally driven, they are normal. The more we talk about it, the less shame everyone should feel. We all go through it.  Not talking about it isolates you from a support system and further carries the undeserving stigma into society.  We all need to talk more. We all need to share our truths. (Small Disclaimer – this does not mean sit around and bash your husband, your family, your coworkers because they drive you nuts. This does not mean we should sit around and bash ourselves. That is not healthy or productive.)

Cole and Mama Footprints

Sharing my truth was more than therapeutic for me. It allowed me to recognize what I was feeling. I was able to identify were it was coming from. I was able to come up with a way to deal with it in the future.  By sharing it with everyone who reads my blog, I had dozens of friends stand next to me and tell me that I am beautiful.  Just knowing that they were there to support me means everything. Even in my ugly moment, my friends love me.

We all deserve these moments in life. Share your ugly moments. Share your ugly truths. Trust me – you are not the only person who has felt that way or had that thought. Addressing the ugly moments in life make the beautiful moments in life so much better because they are real.  Now 14 weeks pregnant, I’m starting to feel the pregnancy high so many people talk about.  I feel good! I’m excited! My changing body makes me laugh now instead of cringe.  I had to work through the ugly to get to the good!

Today, 14 weeks pregnant, my pregnancy truth is this:

  • I love my belly! I find myself rubbing it all the time now. My boobs are still too big, but lets hope they hold lots of milk for Maute Moo.  And my butt – well, it is what it is.
  • Running is going great for a pregnant lady! I’m just enjoying it right now. I feel lucky that I can still run. I’m slower. I walk more, but I’m doing it! My mileage is increasing. It has become a very relaxing time for me (when I leave the dog at home!).
  • The insecurities about my relationship with Christian have passed – Christian, feel free to drool over the red heads on tv again!!! I’ve got your baby in my belly! They’ve got nothing on me!  No surprise that it is in sync with my insecurities about myself fading away too.
  • I’m recommiting to yoga again after neglecting it during my 1st trimester. Every inch of me needs it!

While I’m enjoying the pregnancy high right now, I know the hormones and emotions will rear their ugly head again.  I may or may not be ready for it, but I know I can talk about it. I know it will pass.  I know the moments do not define who I am. I also know that the good I feel by talking about it and addressing it is worth every effort! Until then I plan on embracing all that my pregnancy has in store for me.

Cole Monster - 5 years old

Thank you Tiny Buddha for putting this wonderful reminder in my inbox this morning.

Today if things get overwhelming, take a deep breath and remind yourself: Your circumstances are temporary, but your peace can endure if you choose to nurture it.

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